Domestic abuse, what can we learn from survivors?

96five loves to get behind families and so we are proud to be a part of  Domestic and Family Violence Prevention Month in Qld this May.

The main theme is ‘Learn when to do something- learn how to do something’ with an encouragement that we can ALL make a difference in ending domestic and family violence. One of the best ways that we can begin to understand domestic violence is to listen to the experiences of those who have lived with and survived it. One such person is recent author Allison Rose Clark.

Allison endured bullying, sexual assault and domestically abusive relationships – and has now written a book which she hopes will help other women in abusive relationships to take back control of their lives. Allison recently chatted to 9five’s Timothy Charles about her journey and her new book titled;

‘I don’t hate me anymore’.

I felt on a subconsciousness level that I deserved it.

Allison was bullied from a very young age, and as she went on to tell us this had a large effect of her view of herself and her self esteem.

“Well, It made me feel like a loser, like I was unlikable, ugly, that I was nothing but a joke to some people. But mostly I hated myself. I started to hate myself because I believed everything they told me. It was sort of like everyone confirmed or re-enforced that. The way that affected me in my relationships is that I felt on a subconsciousness level that I deserved it. Because I hated myself and believed everything the bullies told me. I didn’t see anything wrong with these peoples way of treating me. If someone said something to me I’d make an excuse about it or shrug it off or think “well you don’t know the person like I do”.

Allison had been in four abusive relationships, three of them marriages. For her the moment of realization and subsequent turning point came during her third marriage.

“I realized that my abuse was pivotal on how I loved myself, so because I hated myself I allowed these people to treat me badly and I never stood up for myself”.

It effects the decisions you make and the directions you go just based purely on how you feel about yourself and your own confidence in things.

Allison was able to overcome that perspective and has since been on a journey of healing. As a way to tell her story and make sure that other people – especially women don’t go through the same thing she has written out her experiences and the lessons she has learned from them. She hopes that through her book she will be able to reach people in positions like she was in to teach them how to love themselves. Allison went on to describe how important she held self esteem to be in every facet of your relationships and life.

“Its pivotal to pretty-much everything in your life. It effects the decisions you make and the directions you go just based purely on how you feel about yourself and your own confidence in things.”

Each chapter in the book goes through an important step from hating yourself to learning to love yourself, and Allison relates each chapter to a part of her life when she went through that issue. Through this style of writing Allison guides the reader so that it is easy to understand how she was able to learn to love herself.

When asked what main message she would want to get out to people from this interview Allison replied “That they have the ability to change their life. They can take control back of their life, and that they already posses the courage the strength and the will to survive in order to achieve that. They’re beautiful creations and they deserve to be treated better.”

Anyone interested in reading more about Allison’s story can go to her website where copies of the book can be purchased for a signed copy. “I don’t hate me anymore” is also available on amazon.

https://campaigns.premiers.qld.gov.au/dosomething/index.aspx

Although we speak out strongly against domestic and family violence as a society, it continues because, as individuals, we often choose to stay silent.